My Thoughts and Feelings for 1/11/2019

I have this post that I have been trying to get around and post for a while.  When I try and start writing the damn thing I find that I don’t have the strength to do it.  Maybe it’s because I am a man and as men were so used to being to deep within ourselves and not letting our feelings show, maybe it’s why you don’t see us openly weeping in public on a testimony video or at the loss of a loved one.  Either way I’m going to try and get through this thing as best as I can, and By the way, this one’s for you Great.

Last Thursday while at work I happened to have some free time available to just chill, take a breather, and catch up on friend news on Facebook and I happened to scroll through my timeline and I noticed a post from my dear friend from back home which caused me much shock and sorrow within my heart.

For those of you who don’t know let me introduce my friend to you.  Her name is Greta, and we go as far back as high school when she moved to the small little town where I spent 20 years of my life growing up in, Vinton, LA.  Greta and I was never really tight in our life’s humbled beginnings.  I have to admit I was a 100% typical asshole to her and most folks around Vinton.  I had my own personal issues and demons I had to deal with.  I’d pick and make fun of her when she got in trouble by a teacher at school for interrupting the class, and Karma would always come back to bite me in the ass one way or some form of the other.  It was about I’d say close to twenty years and some change later that the healing for Greta and I came through the divine intervention of The Most High which had started years earlier with forgiving myself of the shit that I had done to others and to myself back in the day.  The day I reconnected with Greta in Social Media I apologized to her for all of the shit that input her through and asked her to forgive me for my sins and atrocities that I committed to her in my silliness and teenage immaturity years in high school.  There were tears of joy and love that came from this healing process.  I said that it feels beautiful for the healing.

Fast forward to 2019.  My beautiful friend is dying on cancer and my heart is broken.  Even as I write this post sitting down in a McDonalds at Crystal City my eyes are starting to well up.  I really personally don’t want anyone around me in a public place seeing me crying and as men we try not to show our feelings unless it’s someone close to us like our wives or significant other.

This is not my first time hearing about Greta’s illness and her figh with cancer.  I remember when she was first diagnosed with the dreadful fucking disease years earlier, I liked and supported almost every post and update that she put on her Facebook page.  I’ve watched her ups and downs.  I’ve kept up with the joys and pains of life, and did I mention that she also has a beautiful and talented 10-year old daughter by the name of Clara Jane who is enjoying every ounce and minute and second of time she has with her mother.

I’ve had heard people say that when a person passes away that you should always give them their flowers in life and not when they are gone. Greta’s words hurt my soul…..Why???  Because I don’t want Greta to leave us.  She has so much to do, so much more to give to this crazy messed up world.  As a Hebrew Israelite I know where a righteous person will go when they pass away – Abraham’s bosom.  And I ask Ahayah that Greta be found worthy to be there as well as our loved ones who have gone on before us like my mother-in-law and father-in-law.

I’ve gotta head back to work now.  I’ve done typed too long on this phone.  But for Greta I’m giving you my flowers to you while you are still here in the land of the living amongst us.  I love you, and if there is anything that I can do for you or Clara Jane just reach out to me.  I’ll leave my number in your inbox.  The Most High sent you in my life as a blessing in everything you do and I’m greatful for that.